Co-Parenting Is Difficult!

As most of you know, I have been divorced for eight and a half years, but co-parent two amazing daughters with my ex-husband. I have now been married for five years to God's gift to our lives, my husband, Mike, who puts it all in perspective and loves unconditionally.

I really thought it would take a little longer to delve into the co-parenting issues, but alas, no such luck! The girls came home from their dad's house last night with their THIRD iPod. They had each received one from a grandparent when they first came out, and a second from their dad last year. Now, it isn't that they've lost the first two. No, their dad bought them the newest version, the iTouch - each - ouch! Supposedly they received them for doing well on their report cards. In my world of parenting, you should do well on your report card because you are a conscientious student! I was needless to say irked that I would once again have to explain that greed and gluttony were bad things and that three iPods each was NOT NORMAL AND ADULT LIFE WON'T BE LIKE THAT!

But it really isn't the girl's fault - they didn't buy them! It's their father's fault for continuously giving gifts as a form of love/guilt. All of us who are divorced know this feeling. You aren't ENOUGH - around enough, fun enough, hard enough, soft enough. It is like a rollercoaster ride of emotions when you have been divorced and are trying to parent children with two sets of ideals. Heck, even married parents have a hard time when values differ, but divorce takes it up a notch.

Several things about this issue bother me. One, they will never appreciate what they have if they keep getting the upgraded version. Two, do two pre-teens really need an iTouch? Three, I don't agree with getting rewarded to such an extent for good grades.

Is there anything I can do about it? Nope. This is a normal occurance in a divorce situation and neither of us as parents can control the other's behavior. Who suffers? Even though the kids think they are making out like bandits, I think they know deep down that they are spoiled because we parent's can't handle our guilt at the situation. They see the eyerolling (okay, I try really hard not to do that, but it just happens sometimes!)and hear the lectures about how in life, you don't normally get THREE iPods, or 65 Webkinz or the latest Nordstrom outfit. The hard part is telling them life will be harder, when their reality is easy.

I think (and I am right!) that kids spell love, TIME not iPOD. That's what I am working on today through my co-parenting journey. It's always somethin'!

Welcome!

Welcome to my first blog! Why in the world is it titled Glorious Ambiguity? Well, I have always been touched by the Gilda Radner quote:

I always wanted a happy ending... Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.
- Gilda Radner

Don't we all struggle with the ambiguous part? I know I do - I like clean breaks, quick decisions, simple moral dilemnas. But what usually happens is messy conversations, grey areas, neither a right or a wrong. Maybe I want to control all the outcomes and have my life be the perfect picture. So far, it hasn't been perfect, but it has been Glorious. Glorious triumphs and glorious failures. I am learning to live with all of it.

I am a seeker of ideas, thoughts and viewpoints. I am ALWAYS researching something! I want to share what I come across with all of you so we can all be on this path together. Hopefully you can share with me as well. I don't have all the answers but I will keep searching for peace and accepting what comes my way in the process.

I'll more than likely write about family (and boy, do I have a lot to say!), marriage, divorce, parenting and work/life balance. I hope to inspire my family and friends, learn from them, fill their buckets (www.bucketfillers.com), and set good examples for my daughters. Geez, just writing that makes my anxiety skyrocket! I hope I can do it all!

Until next time!